Last Japan Weekend of the Year

And what a weekend it was, but it started off bad. My Friday night plans imploded and I was left alone in my apartment watching old episodes of The Shield. Actually, I can think of worse fates. Saturday I ate a double cheeseburger, a chicken filet, and fries from McDonald's, then caught a bus to Osaka.

My good friend Will is leaving Japan on the 20th. He's a remarkable human being who's left his mark on Kansai. It seems we can't go anywhere without a random person on the street recognizing Will and stopping him for a conversation. Several jokes have come from this. For example, Gabe, a trained mathematician, concluded that the probability of Will being anywhere in the world at any one time is .98. One night while dining at a restaurant, Gabe convinced me that Will was in the kitchen, training the chef on how to properly prepare the hamburger steak and getting an invite to the manger’s wedding party. When two unfamiliar gaijin showed up at Sumoto beach, Ryan, Gabe, and I decided that Will knew them. "Yeah, that's Larry and Charles," we imagined him saying. "They're good chaps from Hokkaido. Shared a delicious ocha with them once on a ship to Okinawa." But it’s easy to see how Will has achieved this. He is one of the friendliest, most outgoing people I’ve come across; he has an endless reserve of energy and the power to transform every person in the room. He’s charming, witty, and courteous. Japan will not be the same after he leaves. Ryan and Gabe predict an economic crash the day after Will boards his plane and says goodbye.

A group of eight gathered in Triangle Park, AmeMura, for our last dinner and night out with the man. Naturally, no reservations were made and the first three places we tried did not have room. We settled on Slices, a café I frequent. They serve quality pizza and a wide variety of alcohol. I shared a table with Ali, Amanda, and Cain. Amanda had brought a bottle of shochu and Ali mixed it into his Snickers milkshake. Later, we ordered two colas, mixed them with shochu, and passed them around. I suggested we start a money pot and whoever got lucky that night would win the cash. Dayna absolutely refused. More and more people who had come to see Will kept piling into the café. We eventually occupied the entire place. The plan was to hit a few bars and drink until sunrise, but I couldn’t accompany them that far. I’d made plans with someone else that night. I told Will I’d see him the next night and bid the party farewell.

The following day I sent an email to the party people inquiring about who won the money pot. I received a photo of Will, Kate, Ali, Amanda, and Cain spooning on Will’s blankets and the message “We all did.”

That day was omiyage-buying day. I shopped and shopped and shopped. I hate shopping. I bought gifts for 20 people. Exhausted, I searched for a place to rest. Along with a lack of trashcans, Japan also has a lack of benches. I wandered into a luxurious hotel and plopped down in their lobby, several bags resting against my legs. Right away I knew something was up with this place. It looked like a wedding was about to begin. But who has a wedding in a hotel lobby? Thus began the weirdest wedding I’ve ever witnessed.

A large banister with a cross hung from the center of the lobby. A white priest prepared the podium. Empty chairs faced the front. Then the bride and groom descended the stairs together. The groom was an American. The bride Japanese. She was stunning in her wedding gown. He looked like a goofy bastard, way out of her league… This rehearsal lasted 10 minutes. They vanished around the back. Guests emerged and found their seats. The guests wore jeans and t-shirts, and all were Japanese. The procession started and the couple slowly stepped down the stairs. Hand-in-hand they circled the lobby and walked methodically toward the podium. Hotel business continued as usual with the small exception of a few confused guests stopping to admire the wedding. The white priest conducted the ceremony in Japanese. I was told that his Japanese was awful. The goofy groom rushed the kiss, nearly whacking the bride’s head clean off. Guests were forced to sing English hymns. There were no ushers, no bride’s maids, no best man, and seemingly no parents. After the proceedings, the bride and groom walked to the exit and waited as the guest stood, collected their things, and vacated the lobby without saying a word to the newlyweds. That’s when I realized that none of the guests were friends of the bride or the groom. No friends and no parents. Hotel lobby? I was baffled. In the end I sighed and said, “Oh, Japan. What are you doing to me?”

That evening there was a rock show in Kobe. At that show I experienced some of the best moshing I’ve been a part of since coming to Japan. I have a sore back and two bruises to prove it. Phil, Will, Dayna, and half-a-dozen drunk little Japanese girls were all in attendance, along with about fifty other people. Harvest, my buddies, hosted and headlined the event. As an added bonus, they provided free tequila for everyone. One girl kissed Phil. Then she turned around and kissed me. After that two other girls started kissing each other. Phil had his arms wrapped around both of them. The music was heavy and violent. Good stuff. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday and I had to catch the last bus home. I left the rocking at 10 and missed Harvest’s performance.

Monday night I was finishing up some omiyage shopping in Sumoto when I ran into a Japanese English teacher from my school. The only thing she could think to say was how we should present this week’s material to the students. It was 8:30 at night. I nodded, said, “All right,” waved goodbye, and face palmed the moment she was out of sight.

Self-Gratification Through Teaching and Other Chit-Chat

Today the grammar point was "He looks..." For an example, the Japanese teacher asked students, "How does Pat look?" One boy responded, "He looks cool." And another said, "He looks handsome." I have taught these children well. I think for now on I'll have them greet me in this manner: "Good morning, Pat. Pat looks handsome today." Yes, yes he does. Go on...

Speaking of names substituting pronouns, I still get a kick out how often third person is used in Japan. Patrick thinks it's funny and a bit strange, but Patrick also understands that it's part of the culture and that Patrick should respect and appreciate it even if it's something that confuses and amuses Patrick at times. I was talking to a Japanese travel agent named Shogo on the phone. He gave me the run down, and I said I would think about it and get back to him by the end of the day. "OK. You think and call Shogo," he said.

I booked a flight to America and will be back home for the holidays. It will be the first time I've been home in a year and a half. It will be the first time I've left Japan in a year and a half. I know about reverse-culture shock but I doubt it will hit me. When I reminisce about California, it feels like I just left. I see things clearly and know exactly what to expect. I've undoubtedly changed; though I believe those changes will not affect my visit.

As promised, the temperature dropped like a rock and I took the brunt of it standing in a cold park near Sannomiya Station. I was waiting for friends, enduring 1 degree temperature and mean winds. It snowed on Awaji that day: a rarity. Then three days later it was 14 degrees.

I've been busy lately and, as a result, unable to update the blog as often as I'd like. This post will have to do for now.

Two Wild Weekends in Osaka

Actually, my life of late has been a string of weekends in Osaka, and this weekend is shaping up to be more of the same. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Board my blog time machine and come with me to the lawless, prehistoric age of November 22, 2008.

On this fine day, Awaji JET Phil decided to have a birthday party. As a matter of fact, he had a party every night from Friday to Sunday. I just happened to make an appearance on Saturday. Before I rendezvoused with Phil in Kobe, I attended a bonsai tree exhibition in my city. It was rather cool. I bought a mini bonsai that's sitting on my desk and will probably die soon because I don't have a clue how to take care of anything, especially myself. Phil and I dined at a lovely Korean noodle shop near Sannomiya Station. Between the stools and the counter, there was about 2 inches of legroom. I straddled my stool and scarfed the kimchi. We took a train to Osaka and met Roy and Cain, two of the fresh faces on Awaji. Together we went to a bar called Zerro. Pretty nice place, but crowded that night. There was no room at the table, so I stood on the edge, bumped every ten seconds from behind by the throng of people mulling about. Afterward, we strolled through Namba to a bar called Kama Sutra. This is an excellent spot, though tiny. It's on the fifth floor of a Bar Building (there are other things besides bars, but that's just what I call these stacked complexes filled with snacks and bars). At Kama Sutra we sang karaoke and drank. An interesting thing about the karaoke machine there is the score screen. Once you've finished your song, you receive a score. There is a nude girl covered by tiny squares. Depending on how well you do, those squares fizzle and fade to reveal her "intimate parts" - sorry, read that on the back of a particular product at the store. I sang "By the Way" by the RHCP. It was a crowd pleaser and we got to see some flesh on screen.

Around 3 a.m., Roy, Cain, and I stepped out for a bite at the 24 hour McDonald's. I'd tried earlier to book a capsule, but they said it was full, so I was without a place to stay. The night wore down and soon Phil, who also didn't have a place to stay, and I located the nearest internet cafe. I got about 3 hours of sleep in the mat room - a small cubicle space with a computer and foam padding on the ground for resting.

The next day I went to the Osaka Aquarium, which was packed. The mass of people robbed the aquarium of it's peaceful charm. The day after I went to IKEA. Here it's pronounced E-K-a. That threw me for a loop.

Between that weekend and the next, I had nabe (a delicious Japanese meal cooked in a pot) at Steve's office, taught at an elementary school, and watched the final episode of The Shield, from which I'm still recovering.

Saturday I met Kate and Dayna. Together with some Japanese friends we went to a club that was holding a DJ event. We drank and drank and listened to some quality music. I met some young men who said they were in the Japanese army. We chatted a bit and I tried to pawn Dayna and Kate off to them, but they were shy.

That night was Will's last night working at his bar, so I left the girls and went to buy him a drink, but when I got there he was already beyond hammered and could barely respond to my questions. Shortly thereafter, I received a phone call from Dayna. Apparently Kate had drunk herself silly and couldn't walk without support. Being the nice guy that I am, I went back to the club and helped them out. We crashed at Will's apartment at 4 a.m. I woke up freezing 6 a.m. and told the girls I was going home. I caught the 7 a.m. bus from Umeda and the rest is history.

Now that I finished reporting my last two weekends, it seems kind of pointless to include all these details. Oh, well. I already wrote it all and need to post something new, so this is what you get to read.

Interesting fact: from yesterday to tomorrow, the temperature will drop by 10 degrees Celcius. I'm already crying.